Had you stated the problems in your FIRST posting on this, I may not have responded at all. I know several cop/cop-deputy couples, but, I do not know if they have those sorts of problems that you have now herein presented. All of the couples, though, seem happy in their married lives --- if they would not be, while the "normal citizen" may not sense that unhappiness, I can sense it nearly instantly.

To get the "low down" though, you would have to get it from them their-own-selves.

And generally an officer simply does NOT discuss with a "normal" spouse what happens on duty at all, but, if that officer happens to be married to another officer, they both understand whatever happens making it for a better marriage situation.

I would like to direct your attentions to the magazine entitled POLICE - the law enforcement magazine. Beginning on page 44, there is an article titled "Married your career"! Uh, oh - I forgot the issue. It is in the November 2005 issue.

Described and pictured in that article are several officers who have married other officers, how they appreciate being married, the pros and cons of being married to a fellow-officer, and the values which when being married to a civilian cannot happen and usually induces seperation and divorce, but, in being married to a fellow-officer, both can have understanding with each other in their work as well as hours and so forth.

On page 50 the magazine has listed "10 Tips On How To Sustain A Dual-Cop Marriage" and after having read all of the tips, the MOST PROMINENT tip, from my viewpoint, whether married to a fellow-officer or a civilian, is RESOLVE CONFLICT EARLY --- "Never go to work mad at each other; remember, this shift could be your last"! and the reason I include "whether married to a fellow-officer or a civilian" concerning this tip is EXACTLY the reason why so many officers end up in the divorce courts --- they have a disagreement with their spouse, take the disagreement to work, and, soon after that, it is the divorce pending.

Rowdydog --- read this article, and, if possible, contact the couples, some of them have their work places mentioned. I am certain that they would share their experiences and knowledge with you.

This has been really hard, the thought of losing my family, custody exchanges, and the reality of a lot of what we deal with is a scary thought. I never thought that we would end up here. It is now looming on the horizon, and for the first time in my life I feel completely out of control. The emotions that I have learned to place to the side and have not had contact with since elementary school have come flooding back. I never thought I would ever let someone so close to me. This is a second marriage; the first was easy to walk away from, but this one is different. I love her more than anything (including my dogs and I was a canine handler for 4 years).

Part of what I feel like I am dealing with is a source of satisfaction and a feeling of independence on her part. As rookies gain confidence in there skills they feel more independent. Im afraid that is carrying over into the home life.

The couples portrayed in POLICE magazine make no comments about believing in any Supreme Being, but, nearly all of the couples here in Boise do. They, too, have problems in their marriage, but, they pray and ask others to pray in their behalves concerning whatever the problems are.

I do not know whether you or your wife have any belief in "higher" beings, but, if you believe in God and in prayers, no doubt, other of your friends and acquaintances do also. How about "letting go, and letting God handle it" to see if He can straighten things out for you.

I would give you my PRIMARY e-mail address here, but, the ENTIRE readership, then, has access to it. If you would like to communicate with me, tell Pooky --- she has my address, and, inform her to read this posting so that she is aware that she has my permission to reveal to you my address.

LEOs mean EVERYTHING to me, and, your marriage pains are hurting me, even if I do not personally feel towards your pains as you feel them. If I can do ANYthing, I will do it, and, the major thing I can do RIGHT NOW is pray - I have a firm faith in God and in prayer, so, you are being prayed about.

I don't visit the site virtually everyday, sometimes, it is even couple of weeks between visits, but, during the Holidays, since I am all alone, this site as well as several others help take away the lonelinesses.

So, anyway, what I was going to say now, I hope that you do not get all sorts of messages from the "bad guys" due to having posted your e-mail address. Pooky would not have found it in bad taste to ask her to forward it to me at all or to give you mine, and, then you would be saved from any possibilities of derogatory comments from disreputable felons and so on.

I am putting your address into my Address Book, and, instead of telling you here on the site what I may do, I will write to you directly and tell you.

It is my hopes and prayers that the marriage has not regressed so far that returning to what you once believed in cannot take effect.

Well, see you soon (after I log off the site).